Children, Sexual Abuse, And Healing: Thandie Newton Interview

May 24th, 2016 by Avital Benedek 


Experiences of sexual abuse, especially towards the young and children, have a very particular affect on the survivors. In many cases of abuse, maltreatment can affect how the the child’s brain develops cognitively and emotionally. In Thandie’s situation, she was a bit older and in her interview does not discuss any long-term emotional impacts, but that, of course, is her particular experience. One that is real and not to be ignored.


Yet, if we take her story as a small indication — a door to open into the conversation of the effects of child abuse, it’s very telling. In its basic experience, it’s a common scenario: there is a person of authority, who carries the guise of “trusted, older figure” who takes advantage of a younger, vulnerable type, who is searching direction from him. Dr. Peter Levine, trauma specialist and founder of the healing technique, Somatic Experiencing, explains that this is the most common dynamic in sexual abuse. Children are most often abused by parental figures that should be looking out for them.  The relationship between the abuser and the survivor complicates because of the confusing associations between provider/nurturer and abuser.  Not working through these associations and helping the child heal and overcome trauma, will have lasting effects on how the child develops emotional skills, associative skills, and just general cognitive skills.


So how does this play out later in life if left unaddressed? Children have been known to grow up and have a difficult time accepting love, forming trusting relationships, trusting in general, academically, and find themselves with feelings of shame and worthlessness. It prevents them from being able to address the necessary steps needed to grow up and mature — the trauma often triggering back into the emotional state of when they were abused. Somatic Experiencing, EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, are just three types of very successful trauma healing techniques. Many of the speakers, including Peter Levine, at the Worldwide Transformational Summit, will be able to share the practices, techniques, and philosophies of such healing methods. We hope you take this opportunity to learn from some of the greatest healers, and bring hope and change into your lives and the lives the ones you love.

The Paris Attacks Leave a lot of people with Trauma

The Recent Paris Attacks have left many people with trauma.  This trauma can turn into severe PTSD if left without any further help.  Most people are taught to suppress their feelings.  Men often get messages you are not suppose to cry, just toughen up!  When you see someone killed it is traumatic.  The emotions of the event much be addressed or you can count on down the road the trauma will show its ugly head.  Suppressed trauma often comes through with depression, anxiety, addictions, anger outburst, some cases may diseases in the body are created.

Talk therapy can be helpful but will not release the painful emotions of trauma.  Alternative healing modalities have a greater chance of helping someone that has PTSD.  There are many modalities to help.  If you know someone that need help from any kind of traumatic events please guide them to some choices out there to help.  They do not have to suffer with their pain all alone.  

Check out my website for further information.




Giving our power away when we blame others for how we feel, what we say, and what we do.

A week ago I gave a talk in front of 300 people on what happens when we give our power away; when we blame others for what we feel, what we say, and what we do.  The talk is too long to put on the blog and some of what I said came to me in the moment, but I will write about the main points.  Keep in mind when we give a talk we must taylor to our respective audiences.  This audience was for a spiritual purpose.  I will try to make it more general then I did in my talk. (This talk was inspired by a class by James B Cox on "Becoming Spiritually Centered.")

There are many patterns we have in our life.  Some our good and some are not.  Depending on what we have learned and experienced is what we will develop into a pattern over time. When we see patterns that are not serving us we must be willing to go to the source that is creating them.  The source for all patterns will be found in our subconscious mind..  There are many ways we can change patterns, but for the purpose of the talk that was given it will be more of a spiritual nature.

We all have spiritual thoughts because we are a spiritual beings.  It is really important to develop our highest self which is spiritual because that is where all answers will be found that will help us find our purpose here and become alignment with it.  The reason so many people are unhappy is because they have closed that part of them off.  When you are in alignment with the true self there is happiness and feeling of connectedness with self.

Some of the ways to become more spiritually centered and change unwanted patterns is to take sometime each day to connect with the divine, the creator, or light (whatever you feel comfortable with.)  This allows us to create the habit of hope, to have a sense of who we are, and a knowing we are of great worth.  When we know who we are despite what has happened to us; we then are can change out thought patterns and develop gifts of charity or love.  Believe it or not it is very important to have high feelings of self worth so we can love, feel love, and to be able to give love to others.

One of the things I have started doing over past year is begin the day by asking what ii important for me to accomplish today?  I listen for the answers and write them down right then.  You think you will remember but you won't.  You will be shocked to see the inspiration that will flow to you.  If we ask we will be given direction.  This has been miraculous for me.  I am not kidding.  When I look back over what I have written I am amazed what was given to me.  Things that I would of never thought of on my own, answers to problems, inspiration to help someone that needs it.  It truly has been one of the greatest gifts of love I have discovered.  I know with out doubt I am truly cared about and loved, and I have infinite worth.

By this simple habit we can to develop the pattern of enjoying the day while making it worth while.  What does this mean?  It means everyday can be enjoyed despite what is going on.  How you might ask if there is drama, can't pay the bills, grief, etc?  It all comes down to looking at what is going on through spiritual eyes or eternal perspective.  If I look at this through an eternal perspective things begin to be seen in the big picture.  The small things or painful things seem not as important.  Through looking things in an eternal perspective allows us to look for what we are suppose to learn and be grateful for the adversities.  We can also call adversities lessons in which we will given many gifts if we will look for what the creator or universe is trying to show us to become more fully in aligned with our true self.  It is always about becoming the best we can be.  You have all heard of the goldsmith who must make the metal very hot in order to shape it to a beautiful master piece.  That is what the is happening when we are going through hard times.  It is not to make us suffer, but to make us into a masterpiece.  

I went through 12 thought patterns, but focused on number 7 which is... "I am in charge of what I think, feel, and do."  It is so easy to blame someone else for how we feel.  If we blame someone else we give our power away.  This is some examples  of whom or what we may give our power away to. 

1. Parents ( I have this problem or habit because of my parents.)

2. Children ( My children drive me nuts.)

3 Traffic (These stupid drivers.)

4. Food (I wouldn't have this problem if it weren't for food.)

5.  Bills (The collectors cause me too much stress.)

6. Family members ( after what they did I won't forgive them.)

7. I feel worthless (No one treats me with respect.)

The list could go on forever.  The price we pay for giving our power away is... Feelings of helpless, be controlled by others, powerless, dependent on others, not sure of ones self, lack of confidence, needing others so much, and perhaps the greatest one is feeling upset most of the time.

When we feel responsible for how we feel we are more able to love and help others, feel in charge of our own life, feel a closer spiritual connection with the creator and self, have hope, feel peace, the ability to laugh at self, feel I have great worth and it is ok to make a mistake.  

It is very easy to give our power away, but the rewards of being responsible for how we feel, what we say, and what we do will always out way the benefits of blaming others.  

"All problems come from this world, all solutions come from the spiritual world."  We we look above to the light and trust the light within us we will be guided to the best solutions.  When we just trust everyone has the power over us we loose the connection with self.  When we are responsible for our lives we become better then we ever thought possible.   The divine intelligence or the universe will guide us to become who we truly are.  What do I mean by that?  It means if you took away all our problems, pain, suffering we would indeed see a magnificent being with infinite potential and possibilities.  

Remember you are magnificent just because you are YOU!  Trust you!

(This is about a quarter of my talk but you got the main bullet points.)